Tuesday, 16 July 2013

The After Effects of Hyperemesis

As many of you may be aware, a couple of weekends ago I attended a conference hosted by Pregnancy Sickness Support, a charity that supports women with sickness during pregnancy, from morning sickness right through the spectrum to severe cases of Hyperemesis Gravadrium.

I have decided to write another part to my hyperemesis journey; the after effects and after thoughts that I have experienced and felt. If you haven't read my journey through Hyperemesis you can found it here.

For nine months I was living with constantly feeling sick, being sick and worrying about how to keep rehydrated. This was the reality during my pregnancies with both Ruby and Lottie.

I feel there is a gap in my life, a hole that needs filling; I now feel that I want to achieve something for me, something to challenge and motivate me. This should start to happen soon as I begin to take the steps of applying to university, although I have a small sense of yearning that I would love another child. Don't get me wrong, I feel so privileged and blessed to have two amazing daughters, but there still seems a hole, one that needs filling. Some people tell me its because my family is not complete, but others tell me I need to get a dog!, I don't know yet, I just don't feel complete.

I feel sad, I feel cheated and I certainly feel robbed of my pregnancies, not being able to enjoy them or blossom; instead having my head in a sick bucket whilst feeling rubbish. Constantly feeling exhausted with headaches caused by dehydration; thanks HG, thank you for cheating me and stealing the joy I should have had during my pregnancies.

Part of me thinks oh let's try one last time, maybe I will have the perfect pregnancy. The odds are against me and to be honest, the thought of ever falling pregnant and having to relive nine months of taking medication that no Dr can give me 100% certainty that it is OK to take when pregnant, but then saying if I don't take them I will be in danger, as dehydration in pregnancy can be a killer. Charlotte Bronte actually died as a result of HG.

I was apart from my daughter for the first time, whilst I was carrying a collection of cells which were to be her sister. Lottie measured just 0.5cm when I was admitted to hospital to be rehydrated with lots and lots of fluid. I felt isolated and alone and was being fobbed off with "this is normal"; how can it be normal to not function, to be unable to do basic tasks, to have to buy a sick bowl that looks pretty so in some small way it brightens up the day.

Hyperemesis has lost me friends, friends who refused to believe that it was more than just had the normal morning sickness. I feel hurt that these people did not stand by me when I needed them. I told them how it was, how bad it was, but still they refuse to listen. I asked for prayers and they say they would but whether they did only god can judge.

So what have I learnt? I have come out a survivor! I got through the torture and am blessed to have two daughters. I know that I must push on and do all that I can to strive to find an answer, to raise awareness and get healthcare professionals asking why? We must find an answer to put an end to Hyperemesis suffering!

I have two daughters and would hate to think that they could go through the hell that Hyperemesis holds; they need me to raise the awareness, to speak up and say "this happened to me, don't let it happen to them", they need this research and help now, not tomorrow or not someday, but now!

I am currently proud to volunteer for Pregnancy Sickness Support. PSS runs on very little and is completely funded by donations; could you help by donating, or do a sponsored event to raise some funds? Without Pregnancy Sickness Support my pregnancy days would have been very lonely without the contact from people who have walked similar paths to me, the volunteer work that is being done is incredibe.

3 comments:

  1. Brilliant post! I am also doing it for my baby girl as the thought of her going through what I have is motivation to last my lifetime. Who knows if I'll be brave enough to give her a sibling.

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  2. Hey I saw your post on the Brit Mums link from Twitter. I had HG in my first pregnancy and less severe sickness and nausea all the way thru. Then again at the beginning of this one which was so severe (and this is probably shocking to some) I seriously considered a termination even though this pregnancy was planned. I had to have a counselling session to realise that that was not the right option for me and by god i am glad i didn't. I am 25 weeks now and my sickness this time stopped at 12 weeks. I was AMAZED. And every day i am grateful. NO ONE understands how horrific it is until they've been thru it. It's hell on earth. And the fact that friends left you because of this disgusts me. I would love to do some HG support but not really sure where to start. I've followed you on twitter so drop me a line if you have any ideas. And i think you're brave having 2 let alone 3. Even my mum questioned why i was having a second because i was so ill in the first pregnancy (had cholestasis too!). If you are strong enough, you should do whatever is in your heart. XXXX

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  3. I found this post comforting and am so glad there are people like you out there speaking up for HG sufferers. So thank you.

    HG is truly horrific. I suffered with it for the first 4 months of my pregnancy - which doesn't sound so bad except that my pregnancy lasted less than 6 months. Thankfully my daughter is healthy and perfect, in spite of not only surviving HG but extreme prematurity.

    I know how it feels to be tortured with wanting another but not daring. I also know how it feels to know that you are once again pregnant before the blue line appears on the early HPT because you already feel sick - and sicker and more wiped out than at the same stage the first time - and then the panic when you do see the line....

    Unfortunately for me I've miscarried very early twice after my HG pregnancy (and felt sick from about a week after conception each time) so I sadly decided that it was my body's way of telling me it won't stand for another HG pregnancy. It's a shame and it devastated me for a while but I have had to come to terms with it. And on a lighter note - I will be getting a dog ;)

    But if you are strong enough and want another then all the best - you are very brave and I wish you luck and strength. I really hope that you have it easier - and I hope that our daughters won't have to go through the same when they start their own families x

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