Wednesday 20 November 2013

Two Daughters and One Heart!

I've been wanting and trying to write this post for some time, but I was also a bit worried about how it would come across; During a recent Twitter session, I got chatting with someone who felt similar to me and it gave me a bit more confidence to open up about how I feel towards my girls. Don't get me wrong, I love both of my daughters to bits, but there is something different in the relationships I have with them individually.

After I had given birth to Ruby, I remember looking at her and thinking "I should be really totally in love with her", but if I am honest I didn't feel this straight away; my love for her grew and grew. I'd had a good labour and delivery, so I can't say that this hindered my bonding with her. Ruby had her name from 16 weeks into my pregnancy, and I used to enjoy feeling her kick. I don't think I was fully prepared for motherhood when expecting Ruby, nobody had pre-warned me about how I would be emotionally and even on a physical level, nobody had told me that you bleed after birth; I thought that once the placenta was delivered that was it! I was obviously very naive and I was disappointed that the unconditional love didn't happen in an instant. I'm writing this is to offer reassurance to other mums and mums to be that this is normal. As a first time parent it's a very steep learning curve; how to change a nappy, bath a baby, wind a baby etc, the list goes on and on! I also find I parent Ruby differently to Lottie. Ruby has such a lovely laid back personality but at times she needs me to be quite firm and tell her to do things, otherwise she would happily go into her own little world!

When expecting Lottie I didn't think there would be anymore room in my heart to love another baby but my heart grew and grew!

Well what can I say about my second born daughter Lottie, she is completely different to her sister. Lottie is a very sensitive little girl and you just have to raise your voice or look at her in a certain way and she bursts into tears. From the moment she was born, Lottie and I have had a very special bond and I instantly fell in love with her. Her birth, much like Ruby's, was a positive experience; I even had a homebirth. I remember looking at her and admiring how beautiful she looked and not all squished and wrinkled like Ruby did!

The bond between Lottie and I has built up and it's so incredibly strong that if she's not with me I feel completely lost and end up in tears, but what's the difference and why do I feel differently? I am not sure, but I also wonder if breastfeeding has played a part. I was a reluctant breastfeeder, it wasn't something I had planned to do, I won't go into it all but you can read my breastfeeding journey here. I also wonder if I have bonded quicker with Lottie was because she is my second daughter so I am a lot more experienced and calmer, and know what to do; the learning curve is not as steep.

The relationships I have with both my daughters are different, but I love them both equally. I'm conscience that Lottie can at times be demanding being the younger sister, so Ruby and I often spend an afternoon at the weekend in the kitchen doing some baking whilst hubbie entertains Lottie. I feel it's so important to have quality one to one time with my daughters so that our bond grows and grows. I feel so blessed to have two amazing daughters who each have their own personality and qualities.

I would love to know your experience, did you bond quicker with your second child, did you worry your heart wouldn't grow and love another child or did you have that instant fall in love moment that you read about in so many parenting books?


  1. This is such a beautiful post and I'm so thrilled to read it because it's something I talk about in my new book 'Mumhood' which is so important I think. That we love differently but fully and wholly in different ways. I had two who are chalk and cheese and evoked different responses from me too, but we are strong loving family even now (just put that in my new post) and I can't see it happening any other way! Thanks for sharing! x

  2. This was a very interesting read. I don't have a second child, but have often wondered whether a mother's relationship with her children differs with each one. It's also true that children have different personalities, so maybe that's why you bonded differently with them. Thanks for sharing your story!

  3. I think we parent each child very differently, and being honest with ourselves about it is important. This isa really thoughtful post.